Through the Tetons to Dubois, Wyoming

July 15, 2013

I can’t help it. I’ve about a hundred or two new photos on my i-Phone from this road trip we took in June.  And I can’t wait to share them with you.  HUH? You don’t want to see ALL the photos?  Awwwwww. Okay.  That’s fair.

So where do I begin?  At the beginning, of course! 10 A.M – Thursday, June 13. Today’s destination: Casper, Wyoming, about an 8-hour drive from Idaho Falls. We’re driving west now – on Highway 26 – out of Idaho Falls toward Jackson, Wyoming.

Approaching Swan Valley.

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It’s going to be a beautiful drive!

Every so often you see the peaks of the Tetons poking up on the horizon.

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We turn left at Swan Valley onto Highway 31 toward Victor, Idaho and the Teton pass.

We have just passed over the Teton pass summit. Here we are, overlooking Jackson ‘Hole’

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Making the descent toward Jackson now

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Except, we turn left after Wilson, to bypass Jackson, onto Moose Wilson Road.

The Tetons come into full view.

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There is nothing quite so magnificient as the Tetons painted across the sky on a vibrant June day.

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The view changes every few seconds. Don’t want to miss the show!

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It’s amazing how close we get to them by car (with maybe a little help from a zoom lens…)

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The Grand is the tallest Peak, at 13,770 feet. The two peaks to the right are Mount Owen and Teewinot. To the left are the Middle and South Tetons. This link:

http://faculty.deanza.edu/donahuemary/stories/storyReader$2802

gives you the names and elevations of all the peaks:

 

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“Pull over at the scenic overview for tourists, honey, so I can snap a photo of all the peaks!”

“Naw. You’ve seen the Tetons a hundred times. We still have a 6-hour drive ahead.”

But …. “We’ll never see the Tetons again as they look today!” (I wanted to call out, but I suppose he’s right. Also, he’s the one driving, while I’m the one, uh, snapping photos.)

I snap a photo of the Teton’s as we whiz past the scenic overview on the Wyoming Centennial Scenic Byway.

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I have to admit. The photo looks remarkably similar to the June photo I took of the Tetons several years back, now framed and hanging on a wall at home.

We have passed the Tetons now, headed for Moran junction, where we turn south. Wait a minute! They’re in my rear view mirror!

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Visible as ever. They are just behind us now.

“Are we coming back this way?” I ask the driver (David).

“No.”

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“What are you doing?” He asks.

“The Tetons are in the rearview mirror! And out the back window! We are missing the view you get when you approach Jackson from this direction!”

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Here’s my last shot of the Tetons as we approach Moran Junction and head south.

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We’re headed into the the Absaroka mountains now.

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This view of the Absaroka peaks opens up and and disappears very quickly

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after you round that curve.

Well, that’s my photo tour, that gets us as far as Dubois, Wyoming, where we stop for lunch – on the first day of our six-day road trip (uh, minor detail there).

I did take one photo in Dubois. At the place we pulled into for lunch with the sign out front that said “Cafe.”

This precious little notice was posted inside the restaurant on their bulletin board:

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I guess life is pretty much the same every where you go.

Make Way For … Duck Blog2!

June 12, 2013

Of course I would write it. You were wondering, weren’t you, about how things would play out with that wild duck nesting in our back yard … Well,

At first I ran the back sprinklers a lot. It got hot here and I thought any nesting duck would appreciate a cool mist.

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But then I read online that mother ducks have to wet their feathers – to maintain a certain level of humidity for the developing eggs.

So I went out and bought a kiddie pool.

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Slid it in only a few feet away from the nest and filled it up with water.

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If you look really closely you will see her gray round head (looks like a smooth, gray rock) poking out about half way between the short and long swatches of sunlight on the left side of the picture.

There you see the pool, under the spruce tree, from a distance.

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Now the mama duck could step off her nest, take a few hops for a quick dip and then hop back to her nest. It’s a tough job, sitting on those eggs, and I could help her here.

I then called the local animal shelter because I had heard they had a bird expert on staff. I talked to the receptionist.

“We have this wild duck nesting in our back yard under our spruce tree. Don’t you have an expert there who can tell me how I can help her?’

“No. He’s not in right now, but I can help you.”

“Yeah? What should I do?”

“Leave her alone.”

“Oh.”

(I really didn’t have too many heads working on this duck problem since David was out of town for several days – uh, now you know about the pool, honey.)

So, as not to look completely stupid (to the duck if no-one else) and not create a breeding ground for mosquitos, I got rid of the pool … as quietly as I could – (by rigourously splashing the water out of it with my hand and thrashing the pool around to where it was finally empty enough to drag it out of there.) I gave the pool to a friend with small children.

I checked on the duck every evening.

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She is very well camouflaged, but if you look carefully under the lower extending limb you can see her.

Along about 7 PM the sun was far enough west that she could bask in it.

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I’d see her head, poking out of the nest, illuminated with sunshine. But I couldn’t capture it in a photo.

I planted flowers.

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Rudy was invariably out in the yard with me. I’d keep an eye on him. He’d be this normal flopped-out-hanging-with-the-pack dog, then suddenly morph into a bird-dog

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Pointing right at the duck.

“NO, RUDY!!” “COME!!” “TREAT!!”

I had bought him special new ‘Stay away from the duck” treats.

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Crunchy with Real Pomegranate! YUM!

“EAT IT, RUDY. No, you’re not getting Bacon Cheese Beggin’ Strips!”

Well, Rudy flushed the duck out one morning last week. Right in front of my nose. She flew up over the house and I corralled him into the house, scolding him profusely. The duck landed right back in our yard, looked in all directions, then hop, hop, hopped (she ran, really) back to her nest. Whew!

I’ve spent a lot of time in discussions with Rudy as to why he doesn’t need to go out.

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We’ve been eating dinner on the back deck with the duck nesting in the background.

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David, Glen, Megan, me, and Rudy.

I told my neighbors across the street, Marion and Armand, about the duck and how I expected the eggs to hatch around June 26.

I checked on the duck last night. Ran the back sprinklers just for her, because the temperature topped 90 degrees yesterday.

I was out deadheading flowers this morning. Left with Megan about noon to run some errands. Pulled back into the driveway a little after 2PM. We weren’t in the house 1 minute when my cell phone rang. It was Marion from across the street.

“Jody, quick!” Your duck was just in our yard with her ducklings!”

WHAT??

“Armand is following her and taking pictures!”

I dashed out the front door. The duck and her 5 ducklings had already reached the house on the corner of our street – I snapped a photo quick as I could –

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Not the best photo you’ve ever seen of a mother duck and her ducklings, but before I took another photo I thought, “Megan can’t miss this!” and ran home and got Megan. We ran back to where I had left the ducks maybe 90 seconds before and now there was no sign of them. We ran further – looked all around. No sign of her and her ducklings. Armand had gone home. WHAT? Was that it? Was that really OUR duck?

I ran back to the nest.

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Sure enough. The babies had hatched all right. And to think when they hatched I was going to be sure and open our gate to let them through!

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Well, that mama duck and her babies were at least headed in the right direction – toward a canal just two blocks west of us. Of course, they have to cross a busy street. (Make Way ….!!!)

I feel a little sad that she’s gone. But at least I can freely let the dog out now. I don’t mind a bit his chasing the squirrels.

.

Duck Spring

June 3, 2013

Spring! It seems that everything bloomed at once here. It warmed up at the beginning of May and everything popped. I’ve missed it some years. This year I buried my face in the lilac blossoms

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to inhale their fragrance.

I took photos of the snowballs in spring.

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and the towers of flowers

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perched on their branches like Christmas trees.

The flowering crab in the center of our back yard

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is maybe not as showy as some of the other trees in town.

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Here is a photo of our front lawn.

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Grows fast this time of year. If you look very closely you can probably see it growing in this picture.

David is having to mow it about every five days. ‘Tis the season, honey!

For the last few summers he’s been hauling the grass clippings to the back yard and dumping them under the spruce tree by our storage shed.

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Spring flies by so quickly. Early on we had ducks flopping out in our front yard. We found it amusing – pairs of ducks waddling around the neighborhood – napping in front yards. Our dog, Rudy couldn’t abide the ducks. He’d bark at them through the front windows and run them off.

A pair of ducks started frolicking in our back yard. We were amused. We’d let Rudy out, and he’d tear after them as if protecting us from an armed invasion.

Then one day I was out planting flowers and noticed him behaving very un-poodle like. Poodles see a squirrel or some other movement in the yard and they tear after it without hesitation, barking like maniacs. They are not your quintessential hunting dog. But this particular day Rudy pointed toward the back spruce tree, froze into a hunting-dog pose, lifted his right front leg, took a step forward, posed, lifted his left front leg, nudged his nose forward, then … CHARGE!! he went after whatever it was under the spruce tree to flush it out.

“FLAP, FLAP, FLAP” out flew a female duck with Rudy on her tail. I thought the duck would collide with the house trying to escape, but she soared up over the roof. We laughed.

I really wasn’t paying much attention, but did notice that that duck was hanging around. One day I noticed her sitting in the yard maybe 10 feet away from me as I was pulling weeds.

Meanwhile, Rudy got into this ‘patrolling the backyard’ mode. It would start in the den, where I was relaxing.

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“Okay! You have my attention, Rudy!”

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He wanted out.

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Scoping out the yard now…

He runs to the east fence and barks at the neighbors, just in case there’s any kids around. I have just called to him to get him to stop barking:

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He’s at the gate now…
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you know, scoping out the action on the street.

Now he turns his attention to the spruce tree, strikes his hunting-dog pose, and …. CHARGE!!!

“FLAP, FLAP, FLAP”…out flies the duck from under the spruce tree.

Huh? Surely, she couldn’t be nesting back there?

OMG!

She is well-camouflaged – hard to see her but …. she’s there

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Here you get a little closer view of her – her cute little tail is curled up out of her “nest” (which is, basically, a hole she scratched out of the middle of a pile of grass clippings).

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I couldn’t get to sleep that night for thinking about the fate of that poor mama duck and her babies. Why did she make a nest on the ground in a suburban fenced yard with a dog? How could she possibly keep that nest safe for her ducklings to hatch – what with the crows, blue jays, robins and squirrels, AND DOG lurking about. If those ducklings do hatch, how are they going to make it safely to water from our back yard?

On Friday I went back out there. The duck was gone.

Oh, look!

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Something got to the nest already! These broken eggs were out in the yard maybe 15 feet from the nest. Oh, how sad. Oh well, thank goodness. It’s a relief, really. The whole scenario was doomed from the start.

Whew! On with our lives. I’m planting flowers. Rudy is patrolling the yard.

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Then he does it again. He charges under the spruce tree.

“FLAP, FLAP, FLAP” Out she flies.

You’re kidding!!! She has more eggs! She is still there, sitting on her nest.

Now it’s Monday. Rudy still patrols the yard, but I watch him and every time he pauses and strikes a pose toward the spruce tree I call him – and award him with a treat for coming. This morning he walked near the nest, peered over at it, I called him and he left it alone. Good dog!

How is this going to play out?

I am going to try and help that nesting mama duck under our spruce tree in the back yard.

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Leave her be as much as possible for the 28 days her eggs will be incubating.

The only predictable outcome is that Rudy will surely grow fatter from all the treats he’s getting for coming when I call him away from the duck. If we do see this thing through and those babies hatch out there’s no telling how Rudy will react to a chirping tiny yellow duck invasion.

Uh, did I also mention our neighbors have cats?

1-13-13

February 17, 2013

So where did I leave off? Oh yeah, Paradise.

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But, alas, the evening of 1-12-13 has arrived and we must catch the Red-Eye home again.

I snap one last photo of the scenery zooming past as we head to the airport in Lihue:

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But, oh well. Vacation’s over. We land in Salt Lake City (stopping in L.A.) 10 AM Sunday, 1-13-13.

Catch a 20-minute shuttle from the airport to David’s truck in long term parking – outside – at a Park n’ Fly motel in Bountiful.

We’re at the truck now. Eric has just gotten the back end open…

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David starts the truck. He and Eric work furiously to dig it out.

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Hop in! We’re ready to go!

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“Geez, turn up the heat!” I call from the back seat. I just can’t get warm. Do you want to see what minus 8 degrees looks like out my window?

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It’s about a 3-hour drive straight north home to Idaho Falls. We notice the outside temperature keeps dropping.

We’re in Idaho now.

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Temperature: Minus 12.

Turns out, with a low at minus 18, 1-13-13 marked the coldest day of winter 2013 in Idaho Falls. We would have to pick this day to return home from Paradise – and acclimate ourselves to a difference in temperature of about 100 degrees.

The bitter cold hung around for at least another week and then two days of 30 mph winds ushered in a winter storm.

There’s nothing like shoveling yourself out of a 10-inch snowfall to whip you back into shape!

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Idaho winter Paradise? It’s a stretch, but …

What does 80 degrees feel like, again?

Kauai seems just a ghost of memory eating at us now.

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Paradise Revisited

February 12, 2013

I talked with our son Aaron this past weekend, across the miles. Inquired as to how he was doing.

“Pretty good for February 9.”

“Yeah? How so?”

“This is the worst time of year. We’re still in the dead of winter, even in Georgia, and football season is 200 days away. But, all things considered, I’m doing okay.”

Well, let me just add to Aaron’s stats that our laptop died, my email has been hacked, twice (my new password is so sophisticated now even I could be locked out of my email) and I recently broke a back molar eating a freaking hamburger (with a bone fragment or something?). I’m scheduled for a crown this Wednesday.

Not to mention, the southeast Idaho winter is just long, and spring is … a lot like winter.

So … You want photos?

How about pictures from Paradise?

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A Kauai sunrise…

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I have about 200 similarly themed photos on my i-Phone. What can I say? David and I started this year with 10 days in Paradise from 1-3-13 to 1-13-13. DOES THAT SOUND LUCKY OR WHAT?!! My sister and her husband own a home in Princeville and invited us back. (At least my husband can boast that he married a woman with an awesome sister!) My brother Eric (alias ‘Mountain Goat’) came along too. As tour guide. Since we got back I’ve been routinely revisitng Kauai through my photos.

Want to come along?

We’re in in Princeville, now.
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Walking the golf course.
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Past Albatross engaged in a mating dance

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Or is it a discussion?

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We shopped at the Farmer’s Market

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In Hanalei

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We gave our beet greens to a local to feed to his neighbor’s guinea pig- in exchange for his photo.

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“Hey, take a photo of my best side!”
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This fruit is called rambutan. (No! Not the local. The red fruit pictured below)

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We ate lots of them. You bite through the soft spiny skin and out pops a large grape-like fruit.

The weather is a bit rainy, but still warm – with temps in the upper seventies.

Even during a a drenching rain.

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“Run rooster run!” (Boy did he!)

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We hiked anyway.

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Tried to keep our balance in the slippery mud

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The sun is out again.

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Life is celebration

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Life is a beach!IMG_3597

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TURN UP YOUR SOUND!

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Enough of Paradise yet?

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Eric found a Kauai vacation home that perhaps he could afford.

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Eric, you might want to tell your wife the roof needs repairs.

Awwwwww… do I have to put a wrap on this blog?

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Rooster says no!

So do the Albatross

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And the palm trees

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Okay, one last snuggle on the beach with David.

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One more rainbow

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Oh! And a nod from a sleeping seal.

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Goin’ to Jackson, uhhhh, Bannack, and we’re….

September 1, 2012

We made a trip to Jackson a couple of weeks ago. Jackson, Montana, that is. My brother, Eric, talked us into it.

“There’s a hot springs there.” He told us. “Plus some really interesting historical landmarks to explore nearby.” We invited him to come along with us – and left him in charge of planning the agenda.

“No death marches.” We told him. (You have to bind Eric to this ultimatum every time you agree to spend more than half a day in the outdoors with him.)

We booked two nights at the Jackson Lodge – where they have a pool fed by a natural hot springs.

David, Eric, Megan and I hit the road in Idaho Falls for the 3-hour drive to Jackson. It was pretty smokey due to fires raging to the east – over by Salmon, Idaho.

But still a beautiful drive.

About 40 miles outside of Jackson we pull into our first destination- Bannack, Montana. Population: Zero. (It’s a ghost town.) But back in the day (1864) it was the first Territorial Capital of Montana. I could write two pages about its rich history, but in a nutshell:

Bannack was founded in 1862 when John White discovered gold on Grasshopper Creek. Grasshopper Creek’s gold was 99-99.5% pure, compared to most gold at 95%, attracting miners, businessmen, deserters of the Civil War, and outlaws, hoping to strike it rich. In 1864 Bannack became the first Territorial Capital of Montana.

Meanwhile, in 1863, gold was discovered about 80 miles east near Virginia City. Many prospectors fled Bannack in hopes of finding the mother lode in Virginia City. The Territorial Capital moved to Virginia City too. However, some people stayed in Bannack and explored the use of further mining techniques.

At its peak, Bannack had a population of about ten thousand. Extremely remote, it was connected to the rest of the world only by the Montana Trail. There were three hotels, three bakeries, three blacksmith shops, two stables, two meat markets, a grocery store, a restaurant, a brewery, a billiard hall, and four saloons.

This link: mt-bannack.html fleshes out many details about Bannack, one of the most lawless ‘wild west’ towns in America’s history, home of ‘soiled doves’ (prostitutes) – where it’s own sheriff (Henry Plummer) was hung on the gallows by vigilantes, going after the “Innocents” (road agents with inside information robbing travelers between Bannack and Virginia City of their gold. About a hundred men were murdered in 1863 alone). Vigilantes hung 24 men (although it became questionable as to whether the vigilantes were, themselves, robbing and murdering travelers).

From the late 1860’s to the 1930’s, Bannack continued as a mining town with a fluctuating population. By the 1950’s most folks had moved on. At that point the State of Montana declared Bannack a State Park. The last residents left in the 1970s.

Today, over sixty structures remain standing, most of which can be explored.

Which is what we’re doing now on our way to Jackson. We have just pulled into the parking area.

“Bingo!” Megan has a quick eye for it. A yellow car. That’s the game we play whenever we are driving. Or parking. Or whatever. As soon as you spot the slightest sliver of a yellow car you yell “Bingo!’ and the first person to yell “Bingo!” over the sighting of a ‘bingo’ wins.

A ‘Bingo!” in the parking lot at Bannack

“You win, Megan.”

I snapped a few photos of Bannack with my i-Phone.

Main Street ahead!:

The original Beaverhead County courthouse:

that later became the Hotel Meade. Entering the front foyer now:

Back onto the front porch:

Across the street is the Schoolhouse and Masonic Lodge (upstairs):

Grades 1-12:

Walking north through the edge of town toward the gallows now –

alongside the Meade Hotel

toward ‘bachelor row.’

What luxury! An outhouse!

Yeah, like that’s going to impress a woman (in light of seven months of winter- tromping out there to answer nature’s call in minus-40 temps and 6′ of snow?).

At the gallows now.

“They didn’t knock a stand out from under you. You just sat there and they lifted you up off the seat, and you hoped they had the rope tight and snapped your neck…” David explains.

“AAaaaahhhhlllllllqqqq..

The Bannack jail:

Megan and David are incarcerated.

Walking into town again,

through the back door of Skinner’s Saloon:

Where the “Innocents” hung out. (“Nice people did not wander into Skinner’s”)
In 1869, after the Road Agents’ reign had ended, Skinner’s Saloon became a mercantile

and remained so for nearly 60 years.

In the hill south of town sits Hendrick’s Mill.

We’re driving toward Jackson now. We’re coming into Jackson …

yes, we are…

What’s the population? Unincorporated. Uh… looks a lot like Bannack.

There’s the lodge…

the Mercantile:

a couple of really old deserted log cabins behind the lodge:

a barn …

and a few houses.

Maybe 35 people live here?

Thank goodness the lodge has a natural springs pool, bar, and food.

I snap a photo of David and Eric at dinner.

“How is it that you two are wearing matching yellow t-shirts?”

Megan and I are out on a walk in Jackson, Montana, with the “Bingo-bros”- in their matching ‘bingo’ yellow t-shirts.

Except, Eric has some strange and demented-looking person plastered all over the front of his shirt.

“Who is that, Eric?”

“Hunter S. Thompson.”

“Didn’t he kill himself? With a gun? Blew himself in the head or something?”

“Yep.”

Well, that about puts a wrap on our day. Even though we were confronted with a ghost town, the gallows, another near-ghost town, and Eric’s demented t-shirt, at least we were spared a death march.

Being Mitt Romney

May 30, 2012

Over the past four years I have received in my email a steady dose of forwarded messages containing anti-Obama propaganda – Undoubtedly you’ve heard it all too: “Obama hates whites.” “Obama is a socialist.” “Obama is a Muslim.” “Obama caused the current economic crisis.” “Obama Care has death panels.” “Obama is not patriotic.” “Obama was not born in America.” etc etc Blah, blah blah blah.

Well, I have a little poem I’d like to post – written by my brother, who is a very hard working local business owner. His business has been in operation for almost forty years, but he has never worked so hard as now, during the recent economic downturn, to keep his business afloat, letting workers go, taking more and more on his own back, while other numerous local businesses go under.

Alas, in his frustration he penned this poem:

Being Mitt Romney

I’d like to be Mitt Romney
Where every day is sunny
And it’s never stormy
Where the streets I walk upon
Are paved with gold

And Joseph Smith
Is watching over my soul
Where flower petals
Are falling at my feet
And everything is just so gosh darned neat

Yes, I’d like to be Mitt Romney
I’m thinking about making
Another acquisition
But let me first firmly
State my position

I’d like to be your President
But I’m keeping my cards
Close to my chest
What I’ll really do
Is anybody’s guess

Just don’t be thinking
About where
All the money was spent
When the American dream
Has come and went

I’ll just be sitting back
Thanking God
That I’m
Such a
Big Fat Cat

It’s good to be Mitt Romney
Yes it’s good to be Mitt Romney

Getting ready
To do another
Hostile Takeover
To cover the costs of my
Ocean beach front home makeover

Don’t want no government regulator
Checking out my car elevator
But I would like another tax cut
To add to the padding
That’s behind my butt.

Nothing like a big fat billfold
To keep you warm
When it’s Oh So Cold.
But it’s never cold in the Cayman Islands
That’s where I’m always smiling

Thinking about all
Those obscene amounts
Sitting there
In my
Offshore bank accounts

Oh it’s good to be Mitt Romney
Yes it’s great to be Mitt Romney

Chorus:
I Want to Be Mitt Romney
And have piles and piles of money

Instead of posting a link to depressing article(s) (okay I will) about the filthy rich top 1 percent and how the top-1-percent-control-42-percent-of-financial-wealth-in-the-us-how-average-americans-are-lured-into-debt-servitude-by-promises-of-mega-wealth), and how the poor keep getting poorer, the middle class is disappearing, etc. I would like to post a more uplifting article that recently appeared in the New York Times that highlights a few of President Obama’s accomplishments over the past four years:

friedman-president-obama-should-seize-the-high-ground.html?_r=1&partner=rssnyt&emc=rss

It’s nice to read an article giving President Obama at least some recognition for his many accomplishments as President.

Gotta Get Me Some of That! Uh, Maybe Not…

April 1, 2012

So I get back from Kauai, back into my winter wardrobe, and, uh, my thighs and butt … and waist and crotch … are not happy inside my jeans.

Allphgh!…

During that ten day vacation in Kauai I obviously put on a few pounds. Four pounds? Five? Dang it! As if facing at least 8 more weeks of winter weather doesn’t offer enough post-vacation angst, now I can only get into two pairs of the eight or so pairs of jeans hanging in my closet. – The second pair, when I put them on, I have to do 20 squats in several directions before I can move in them, and can only hope for ‘comfortable’ by the third day of fasting and wear.

Shop for new jeans! That’s what I’ll do! But I’ll be smart about it this time and research the latest styles/trends in jeans on the internet, before I buy anything.

Uh, check this out! A ‘Good Housekeeping’ site gushing with ‘Timeless Beauty Secrets’:

jeans-for-body-type?click=main_sr#slide-1

And practical advice. Find the best jeans for your body type!

Because, be honest here, how many pairs of jeans do you have stuffed in your closet and dresser drawers that you haven’t worn in, uh, – you can’t even remember the last time you wore them – because every pair possesses some quality that renders it ‘off’, out of style, ill fitting, dorky, or just … something?

For starters, say your body is a pear shape. If you’ve had jeans that were too tight, too tapered and ‘tucked into chunky clunky boots” (per article above) then you should opt for the contour cut – which is higher in the back. Also spring for tone on tone stitching that creates a long lean line (and per example of the very slightly pear shaped model displaying ‘Jeans by Cookie Johnson,’ carry a large tote bag).

Say your behind is ‘flat as a board” and you want a cute booty. Or you have wide hips. You end up wearing low-slung styles to fit your hips and, frankly, “you are sick of flashing cheek cleavage.” (I’m telling you, this article nails the facts.) With thick thighs your jeans are ‘sausage-casing snug’ with “lots of unsightly creasing at the crotch.”

Yeah, unsightly creasing at the crotch. My crotch has been creasing unsightly ever since our return home from Paradise.

You have a ‘curvy caboose?” CAUTION! “Pockets spaced far apart broaden any butt.”

‘Mushy middle?’ Read all about it! “Unflattering Super-Skinny Cut Creates Major Muffin-Top Trouble.”

On a quest now for new jeans, I head to the mall. Hmmm… butts do seem to be the thing this year. Check out these latest fashion faves:

Sparkly butts are clearly the thing

The more bling, glitter, and swirls on the pockets the better!

Dillards gives shoppers a special look at blingy fashion jeans for women

on a ‘flat butted’ mannequin? Not a cute booty with these jeans on! Pockets too low here? Too wide? Too far apart? Come on, Dillards. Can’t you offer something more inspiring than this?

Yeah, yeah. Nice try. All women know what size we really are and that size twelve is the new size 8.

I did snatch up these ‘pajama’ jeans, with spandex.

When I put them on, I realized it’s the long blonde hair extensions that make the look. The pants snag my hips on the way up, but once I have them on they stretch and stretch and stretch along with my expanding gelatinous belly as I slouch in our couch at home wolfing down popcorn and Ghirardelli Chocolates in front of the TV.

Honestly, I can’t quite yet bring myself to spring for a pair of the latest trendy glittery-butt jeans. Because then I’d have to find a matching pair of glitzy trendy shoes to wear with them. There are about a million choices in stores today, all of them clones to these:

Yeah, well maybe all of this ‘best jeans for your body type’ is just a bunch of hooey. Does anyone ever think about their body type when buying jeans? Don’t we just pull them on and if we can fasten them while sucking our intestines into softball size while standing in front of a mirror and if for those few seconds we can still breathe and the jeans seem like they fit, why that settles it – we’ll buy ’em. Why complicate the process?

This is where my thoughts were going on the subject, anyway. That is, until last Tuesday when I was sitting in a doctor’s waiting room and another patient arrived. She stood for five minutes talking to the receptionist. To say she ‘jarred’ my memory about the Good Housekeeping Article on jeans for your body type would be a gross understatement

“gross’ being the operative word here. Here you get to see, my dear reader, a live, very chatty, obtuse human being demonstrating in fullest measure what happens when you spring for low-slung style jeans to fit your hips and flash your cheek cleavage. The article didn’t say anything about full moons. And it left out some additional advice: after you’ve tried on your jeans, go stand in one of those five way mirrors, loosen your belt, maybe do a couple squats, and then scope out your butt cleavage. Would glitter, beads, guilded medallions or sparkly swirls have made this scene any easier to bear?

‘Aloha’ Paradise

March 17, 2012

“What is this? I thought you were at the airport! Leave Kauai already!”

Okay, okay. You’re right. So it’s Saturday, January 28, 7:30 PM and David, Eric, and I have boarded our flight from Lihue, Kauai to Honolulu. We land in Honolulu at 8:30 PM. From Honolulu we fly to Los Angeles – then Los Angeles to Salt Lake, and then from Salt Lake we have a 210-mile drive home to Idaho Falls. Pretty good planning, as our 6 1/2 hour-flight from Honolulu to Los Angeles is an ‘overnighter’ …

As we board our American Airlines flight from Honolulu to Los Angeles we pass through the first class section toward our seats in economy class. I notice several first class passengers, already reclined and sipping drinks, also have their necks ensconsed in u-shaped neck pillows – ‘Oh, that was smart’- I say to David. We strap ourselves into our seats. I have the window, but it’s dark anyway. My carry-on is shoved under the seat in front of me, but I am so jammed in there I can’t bend over to pick it up. The flight takes off. I notice a dearth of Airline attendants, maybe two, to serve this full plane of …. 240 passengers?

An attendant gets on the intercom, “We will have lights out this whole trip to enable passengers to sleep, and there will be no movie or drink service. (Oh, does that mean just food service?) Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened for the entire flight unless you use the lavatory at the back of the plane.”

Sure enough, that’s how it is. Lights out. Not one sip of food or liquid offered the entire flight. And I lost my water bottle in security (why didn’t I buy water after we passed through security? Oh, maybe that’s a moot point since I can’t get at my bag anyway…) Everyone is trying to go to sleep. I feel an immediate chill, but my flimsy, midnight-blue, polyester airline lap blanket has fallen from my lap to the floor by my left foot. I can’t bend down far enough to pick it up! I try to pin it with my feet and pull it up to grab it but I don’t have enough lateral or vertical space to pull that off easily, either. I think to snatch David’s blanket. He’s sound asleep beside me, so maybe he wouldn’t notice? Nah – I keep at the effort to retrieve mine and finally succeed.

But I can’t sleep. Not a wink, or so it feels for the next six hours. I keep adjusting the head rest. Is it too high? Too low? A couple of hours into the flight (okay, so maybe I slept a little) I end up with a major crook in my neck. I spend a good bit of time and energy deep massaging my neck ligaments to avoid the inevitable headache that’s sure to accompany my massive neck ache.

I (and nearly every other ‘economy’ passenger) remain affixed to my seat like a bent, molded, miniature plastic figure for six and a half hours. I have to pee mid way into our flight, but that’s way more of a hassle than it’s worth.

David snoozes beside me the entire trip. Finally as we approach for landing he wakes up. I rattle off my litany of complaints to him about the flight – my cotton mouth, my having to pee for 3 hours, the crook in my neck, my aching legs…

“Hey, Hasn’t American Airlines flied for bankruptcy?” I ask him (because he would know).

“Yes, it has”

“Well, no wonder!”

“Yeah, well they’ve probably cut back even more on their service to keep afloat during proceedings.”

“Or maybe to punish passengers for not keeping them in business?”

The plane lands and I’m sure my legs are suffering from the DVT’s (deep vein thrombosis) as I attempt to shake them alive so I can get off the plane.

We land in Los Angeles at 5:20 AM, catch our 6:20 AM flight to Salt Lake, and land there 9:15 AM- having lost (or is it gained?) two hours.

David, Eric and I are driving home now, the last 210 miles of our trek. We’re alongside the Wasatch Mountain Range north of Salt Lake –

Mild winter!

Into Idaho now…

BRRRRRR! Not as mild as we would prefer…

We pull into our driveway about 1:30 PM – Sunday. All told, the travel home from Paradise took about 18 hours. My neck is still not happy.

Eric had parked his Van in our driveway. He is anxious to hop in it now and drive on home.

WHAT? A flat tire???
Great.

It took me several days to recover – from jet lag, Economy Class Syndrome [www.airhealth.org ] and, well, the blahs.

I suppose it’s time to close my chapter on ‘Paradise’.

Behold the tree in our front yard. Took the picture today. For inspiration.

You’re right. I’ve seen Paradise, and that ain’t it.

That tree’s downright knarly. Need to rent a chain saw, climb up there, and hack off some of those dead limbs.

Whatever.

Yeah, we’ve got our lives back.

Kauai- Part VII

March 11, 2012

So where were we? Still in Kauai! It’s the last half of our last day on vacation…

“In Kauai?” you ask? “Isn’t that where they just had a week of pounding rains?” Yes it is. For the seven-day period ending this past Friday, the rainfall level was nearly 46 inches in Hanalei, Kauai.

(Poor Puff!)

Here’s a video of the storm, recently posted on youtube:

Not my video! No! I’m talkin’ Saturday, Jan 28, 2011 – the last half of our last day in Paradise. PARADISE? Well, so it probably isn’t, in the midst of a 46-inch rain. On January 28 we have a few hours left before we have to be at the airport in Lihue. But our story won’t be similar to travelers this past week as reported in USA Today – when Hawaii’s lieutenant governor had to phone a couple from Littleton, Colo. to apologize to them and a group of 10 to 20 other marooned tourists that had been booted out of Lihue Airport into a raging rainstorm after midnight Tuesday. Click here [ 1 ] to view the article.

Furthermore, I might add, I’m well beyond the ‘breast-feeding’ stage of life.

But anyway, let me take you back…

To our walk on the Golf course in Princeville-

And our delightful last lunch on Steph and Vic’s patio, compliments of Victor:

‘MMMMMMMMM!” Won Ton soup!

Eric cleans up the dishes

While David swats at the only fly we encounter during our entire trip.

Paradise!

David does our laundry

While Eric sweeps up the extra mess he tracked in from all those hikes he took by himself

One last run to the dump

“Hey Victor, what are you doing throwing Eric’s precious box of Franzia wine away? You left in your trunk at least two glasses of this valuable wine you could drink.”

We make one last trip to the grocery store

Why are organic local eggs $8.99/dozen with all the ‘cage free’ chickens running around everywhere?

Uh, okay, so there isn’t much to report about that second half of our last day. I just don’t want to stop blogging about our trip to Kauai. Could I just drag these endless blogs out to sustain me till spring weather actually arrives in Idaho? (June)

We cleaned up some of our trail of mess we left at the house, restocked a little of the food we devoured, and packed.

Awwwwwww…. It’s time to head to the airport. “Goodbye Steph and Vic!”

“Goodbye Paradise!”

I capture one more bit of Kauai scenery through the car window on the way to the airport.

“Good-bye sign to the entrance of the airport!” (‘cuz even the sign looks ‘Paradise-y’)

“Goodbye happy, cage-free chickens everywhere.” – which do apparently own the whole island

including the airport terminal.

“Hello inevitable airplanes.”

This one isn’t ours. Ours arrives about dark. We do lose two oranges, a water bottle, and an expensive tube of sunscreen as we go through security. But at least I don’t have to breastfeed an infant on the 6-hour flight and surrender the pump and baby bottles at security (which I guess could create a crisis if, say, I pass out on the flight and my hubby has to feed the infant, or the person next to me has an extreme boob phobia?? – in reference to ‘passenger hardship’ in the USA Today article above).

“Hello extemely expensive tropical fruit drink at the airport bar” –

which, of course, is no-where stiff enough to lull me into even a wink of sleep over the next six hours…

Should I tell you about the rest of our trek back to Idaho?